intention & truth

instagram has felt easier these last few days - a bit more anonymous, a bit more concise, a bit safer. the prompts from my tarot challenge are thoughtful and focused, and i've really enjoyed getting to know others in the community. but today's cards are devoted to uncovering inner truths, and i find myself wanting a bit more space to explore these meanings. i'm utterly drained, and the last few days have been very difficult, but this feels like a good way to assess and reflect. IMG_0308

first up is my intentions: the six of wands. this is a new card for me, but i already love it - it reminds me so much of judgement, rising above darkness and shadows and tangled thoughts and feelings to be free, to find space and light, to move forward. the butterfly is so bright, so strong, and those tangled thorns below her could've shredded her wings to bits. she may be tired, she may feel worn down, but she has managed to break free and find space to spread her wings again. this is such a lovely, victorious card, recognizing what we've had to fight through to find progress. and this absolutely feels like my current intentions - i just want to escape this darkness, want to opened my battered wings and fly out of all of this hurt and pain and fear. i feel like i've been stuck here for so very long, and i'm craving escape. i want fresh air, want room to breathe, want to feel like i'm in charge of my body and mind and soul again. everything feels so dark, but this butterfly's beautiful, colorful wings give me a bit of hope.

 

son-of-wandshow is this manifesting in my life, and what are my actions signaling? the son of wands is independent, single-minded, completely focused on achieving his goals. he's charming, adventurous, passionate, and completely confident in his abilities. he knows that the path he's following is the correct one, and he's sure that his plan will work - no obstacles in sight, no challenges he can't face, no storm he can't weather. who needs a backup plan when you already know you're capable of facing anything?

his confidence is staggering, and certainly doesn't reflect how i feel right now. but that focus on doing one thing well, on following a path to the very end, on putting all of my energy into one task? that i relate to. tarot has become something so important to my days, and even when i don't have the energy to write or the strength the share my readings, pulling a card or two and spending some time in thought and meditation has become a goal for each day. i may not accomplish a single other thing, but at least i can find some time for reflection, for consideration, for challenges. it feels like if i can just listen to the cards, even for only a moment, it gives me a much-needed break from the darkness swirling in my mind.

i love that both of these cards are wands, that both cards feel independent and strong, that both cards are focused on a single purpose. i'm longing to break free of my darkness, and i'm using tarot to help me find my way out. and while both of these characters are finding their own way, and i still feel pretty lost in those tangled branches, the son of wands gives me hope that by focusing my energy on self-reflection and understanding, eventually i'm going to find a way to escape.

forward motion

swift change, rapid motion, freedom and space - the eight of wands is all about moving towards goals, free of obstacles and struggles. the wands are focused, glowing, pushing all of their energy into that brilliant, sparkling goal just ahead. there's no more hesitation, no confusion. the destination is in sight, the end is within reach, and things are moving fast. IMG_1907i love the look and energy of this card - those golden wands are surging forward, straight and strong, moving towards their target. everything in them is centered around that luscious green island, and my eyes can't help but fix on the perfect little center. the wands know exactly what they want, where they're going, and the path forward is clear.

it's almost too fast, too intense, too much. the speed is palpable, the focus absolute, like a car a breath away from skidding out on a slick road. everything feels heightened, and while there appear to be no obstacles, it feels like one little shift could push everything off course. that focus has to remain, or we could lose sight of our goal, find ourselves pointed in the wrong direction yet again.

i've been having trouble writing this week, floating in the endless, shadowy sea of depression. it's impossible, humbling, distressing - i feel empty. this energetic, positive card full of ambitions and dreams realized feels so far from me, it's completely unreachable. i'm finding comfort in distraction, losing myself in fictional worlds and alternate universes, staying away from friends and family, being quiet, doing anything to forget the person i am. this card feels too personal, speaking of a goal i can't even see.

but perhaps today, this card is simply a reminder to keep looking forward. at times like this i simply need to do whatever i can to find comfort and rest, even if that may look odd to others, even if my internal monologue is vicious and unyielding, even if i feel useless and worthless and pathetic. i may not be reaching the end of an epic journey, but right now every small victory feels monumental. i'm still breathing, still getting out of bed, still struggling. more than that is too much, but i've kept my dog alive, managed to eat a little, am still reading my cards even if i can't write about it.

i'm still here. even if i'm standing still, i just need to occasionally lift my eyes forward - and that can still feel like motion.

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one last note - in the spirit of the eight of wands and trying to set small goals, i'm going to try to participate in this month's september tarot challenge, put together by @lionharts on instagram. if you'd like to follow along, find me at @wandering.priestess and see all the participants by following the hashtag #theseptembertarot. see you there!