embers & flames

my letters are written, and i'm sending them in just a little while. i've been awake for hours, full of crackling energy and nervous anticipation. it's pride, and i'm about to finish coming out. i asked for a card to meditate on, to give me energy and strength, and was given one of my favorite cards in the deck: the mother of wands. IMG_0315

i've loved this card since i first started with tarot, but she took on new meaning for me a few weeks ago as i was gathering the courage to come out on social media for the first time. most of the people in my life already knew, but making that public declaration felt like such an important step, and helped to pave the way for me to finish coming out to my family. she represents charisma, confidence, passion and strength and ferocity. she knows what she wants and will do what it takes to get it. she is so powerful and fearless, and she inspires me to be brave.

fire is such a beautiful, changeable element. it can flare up quickly, burn low and slow, spread so fast it's unstoppable, smolder and spark. it has many faces, can sometimes show instantaneous energy and flash, but other times creep up and spread until it's out of control. this queen knows when to let the embers build slowly and when to let it rage with smoke and flame, and loves all of its forms. i think i'm slowly learning that it's okay to shine brightly, to let myself crackle and glow, to embrace the heat even when it's scary.

and as i prepare for my first pride celebration, even as the rain comes down, i know it's okay to burn.