enjoying the warmth

after so many intense & lengthy spreads lately, i'm eager to get back to my single-card daily readings. they bring me such comfort, and i love their simple messages, and the opportunity to spend time meditating and considering one or two cards at a time. IMG_0371today's card is one of energy, life, positivity, vitality, radiance, and joy: the sun. and while it does feel a bit on the nose to draw this card brimming with light and happiness on the day after a solar eclipse, it also feels like a potent reminder to embrace the bright possibility that this card represents.

this card is positively glowing, beams of golden light streaming out from the center. the sun itself isn't really even visible - it's simply hinted at, hiding behind that intense and colorful glow. you can practically feel the warmth emanating from this card, and the sense of peace, comfort, and ease here is undeniable.

but for someone with darker impulses, someone who worships the moon, someone who rarely seeks out joy but instead lives in the shadows - what kind of lessons can i take from a card that's so bright? this card feels foreign to me, even as i sit with it, drenched in sunlight from a clear blue sky. how do i learn to just enjoy that warmth, soak in the comfort, find the joy in the everyday? IMG_0305

my clarifying card offered similar advice: the three of wands. this card popped up just a few days ago in an outcome position, and also seems to be brimming with possibility. and while the idea of looking to the future, making grand plans and setting ambitious goals, doesn't hold any real appeal - perhaps there's joy in the unknown. perhaps even the act of considering what may be ahead is a way to make peace with it.

i'm struck by the idea of vision, and how we can't look too closely or intently at both of these cards. the sun is too bright, too dazzling - we will literally sacrifice our vision trying to see it with the naked eye. it's simply too intense for our human eyes to handle. and while the three of wands represents a much more ambiguous vision, that of the future, of what lies ahead, of the goals we set for ourselves, it too can be impossible to look at. stare ahead for too long, spend too much time squinting at those hazy colors, and we'll lose sight of everything.

so where does this leave me? it seems that rather than scrambling for a project, or pouring my energy into the first thing that resonates, i should instead spend some time simply soaking up the sunshine, and enjoying each moment as it comes. finding a way to be present, rather than obsessing over past efforts or worrying about future failures, seems like the perfect way to find my path forward. and if that bright light, that colorful future, is impossible to see right now? i can still enjoy the warmth.

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don't be surprised to see some changes in this space in the upcoming weeks - i'll be redesigning the look of this site, changing the name to match my new instagram page (hello, fellow 'grammers!), and working to connect with more readers in the tarot community. if you'd like to see something in this space, or just want to say hello, please give me a shout in the comments!

peace & love

today's daily draw is a card i worked with just last week: the empress. the-empressnurturing, soothing, radiating calm and tranquil energy, the empress is vibrant, creative, and brimming with love. she's a caretaker, someone who makes everyone around her feel both relaxed and strong. she builds people up, cares for their needs, reminds them that they are capable and powerful, and is never afraid to let her own light shine brightly. there's a sensual energy here, a passion and abundance that illuminates the card. she encourages us to care for others as well as ourselves, to reconnect with natural and the world around us, to offer love without restrictions or restraint. she takes us as we are, imperfections and all, and reminds us of our power.

i've got a lot swirling in my head these days - my husband has been pushing himself to the limit and is now sick, work has been hectic, and we're getting ready to head out to california tomorrow for a week-long trip. it's the first time i'll be seeing my in-laws since coming out last month, and i'm both excited and incredibly nervous about what the next few days may bring. i'm also trying to be as loving and compassionate as possible, helping my husband get well before a busy week of travel. the empress can speak to these worries, reminding me to offer nurturing love to my partner, to remember compassion when speaking to my conservative family members, and to stay grounded and connected to the world around me so that i don't get so lost in my mind that i drift away.

IMG_0334since i drew the empress so recently, i decided to gift myself a companion card for some extra clarification and direction: and pulled the three of cups, a card i haven't worked with before. a card of friendship, kindness, and joy, this is a beautiful reminder of the people that i share love with on a daily basis. i have a group of girls that have saved my life in a sense this past year, and i see them here - but this card is also a reminder that i have a supportive family, a strong husband, and old friends that love me even if we don't see each other often. i love my family, but the idea of the family you choose is something i've always really embraced. my chosen family keeps me grounded, keeps me centered, lets me kick and scream and cry when i need it, but also reminds me that i'm strong and brave and more powerful than i realize. they gave me the courage to come out. they encouraged me to seek a therapist for my depression and self-harm. they let me be myself, absolutely and honestly, in a way i haven't been able to before. and that holistic, healing energy of the empress - it's here, in real friendship and love.

there's a lot of color, a lot of soothing energy, a lot of love in these cards today. and as someone that considers myself a dark, swirling mess of weird, it's comforting to see so much positivity here. my main struggle with tarot is honestly reading what the cards are saying, rather than twisting them into something else - but it's hard not to see the tenderness and warm in today's cards. i'll try not to fight it.

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finding my way back

it's funny how in some times of upheaval you cling to things that are new, and in other times you discard everything. the last few weeks i really have been avoiding my cards, and i hope to find my way back to them now that i'm settled into a new place. i've missed them, quite a bit, but have also not been feeling very introspective. i've just wanted to be alone, to focus on all these details and projects and stresses without my cards forcing me to deal with thoughts and feelings that i knew i couldn't handle. it took me a few minutes to locate my cards, which made me sad. and i can't even find my notebook with the last eight months of readings and studying and notes. most things are unpacked, but i don't feel settled - i'm just untethered, floating through the days.six-of-cups today's card, because my deck clearly has a sense of humor, is the six of cups.

don't get me wrong, this is a lovely card. it speaks to joyous memories, the stories we tell ourselves, the roots that have shaped us and strengthened us and given us our foundation. nostalgia, childhood, growth, understanding, the unconscious. the six of cups encourages us to consider where we've started, and how far we've come. i also feel that the card reminds us to stay grounded, even in our emotions, and to allow ourselves to revel in the strength of our past, no matter what secrets linger there.

but this card can also indicate a need for forgiveness, a clinging to old hurts or scars beyond what's healthy. other decks feature completely different imagery, and many versions of this card, particularly shadowscapes and druidcraft, seem to highlight a yearning to return to simpler things. i think many interpretations of this card are positive, but there's a tendency to romanticize the past, to gloss over the pain and hurt that might've been present and instead focus on the easier, happier moments. both of these cards feature children, blissfully ignorant of the difficulties and responsibilities of adulthood, but while one card features someone simply gazing in awe and envy at these young, free kids, the other actually shows the dangers of losing yourself to those longings. they're so caught up in this magical land of play and fantasy that they're missing the reality around them.

it's easy to long for simpler days, especially if your childhood was particularly carefree. i had a stable, loving family and material comforts, but was hiding a lot of secrets and pain that i still have to deal with on a daily basis. i don't miss those days, but i do often consider how to simplify things, and wish for less troubles.

my current worries are all extremely adult right now - finances, a quiet point in my career, the stress of moving, issues with our subletter, concerns about changing friendships - and this card feels like it's teasing me, reminding me of simpler memories and easier times, encouraging me to stay grounded and focused. but perhaps it's also reminding me to look deeper, to explore the pieces of what makes me who i am - as well as what has shaped those that are important to me. feeling so lost, like the earth has shifted beneath my feet and i've been cut free of all those strong, colorful roots, is perhaps something i can overcome.