both of today's cards are difficult, involving swords and the self. i'm in a tough mental place right now and the cards are certainly reflecting that. let's start with my first pull: the five of swords. self-destruction, internal battles, personal suffering. fives are often centered on the self, and can represent challenges, even a personal hell. swords, the suit of air and mental agility, can push this card to represent a real disconnect, a severing of the heart and mind. something is missing, whether it's simple indecision or a more complex issue of communication. am i hiding something from myself? denying an issue that everyone else can see? am i being my own worst enemy?
this is a tough card today, as i wrestle with my anxiety over our move, sore muscles from a tough run in the cold yesterday, and struggle to decide if i should head to the doctor sooner rather than later for a breathing issue that's developing. i'm having trouble making any decisions, and really just want to sit at home all day and play video games. i want to be selfish, want to ignore the bad stuff and just get lost in my imagination for a awhile. one of my resources described this card as "cutting off the nose to spite the face" and it rings very true for this card - making a hasty, poor decision that ultimately hurts everyone, and hurts the decision-maker the most.
my clarifying card gave some similar messages: the seven of swords.
i've pulled both of these cards recently in larger readings (the five of swords in a reader's spread, and the seven of swords in a clarifying reading for a recurring card), but haven't pulled either for a single-card daily reading recently. sevens are about personal attainment or practical advice, showing us how to achieve our goals. the seven of swords can point to secrecy, self-preservation, staying on guard. this fox can also speak to selfishness, but it's purposeful - he knows that there's a lot of danger ahead and is prepared for anything. he's waiting for the other shoe (or one of those swords overhead) to drop.
i'm in a pretty foggy state of mind, still completely exhausted, not feeling well, overwhelmed and frustrated with myself and my situation. i think my cards are reflecting that - i want to just retreat, ignore everything happening, indulge in self-indulgent behaviors and ignore all those swords hanging over my head. the temptation is there, surely - but i need to be stronger than this. i need to be an adult, honor my responsibilities, and find ways to take care of myself through these difficult days.